i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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