can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
