Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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