Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
