i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
