you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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