He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
