Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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