At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
