You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
