she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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