Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
