If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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