I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
