so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
