i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
