evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
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Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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