I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
