I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
