Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
