Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Randomize
