it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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