dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize