So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
