Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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