I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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