Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
