I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
babies were throwing up all over the place
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May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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