There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
