Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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