he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So many bounce houses so little time
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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