If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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