It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
