good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
