dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
