The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
