Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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