I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
