I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
