Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
