sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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