just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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