My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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