you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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