what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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