it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
