The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
