Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
