I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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