just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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