I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
