The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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