Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
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Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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