Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Who died my cat blue again?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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