I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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