Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Your mouth is God's brothel.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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