Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
