I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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