im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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