your parents love me but you hate me
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think my fart just growled at me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
