you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
