Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think my fart just growled at me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
