Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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