You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
