I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
