What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
