im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
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My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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