They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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