is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
