Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
