Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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