he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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