Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
