Sry I called you an 8
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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