if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Semen is not good for contacts.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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