When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just invented taco cereal.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
