It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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