Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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