I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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