I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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