My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just high enough for therapy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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