"it" just moved
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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